Musings on the summer program

Well I made it through all eleven weeks of the program. I am proud that I finished. I was worried there for Bit when recovering from my bout in the hospital. I started the program pretty hung ho. I haas all my weeks organized by themes and wanted o have a corresponding story and craft each week. That worked well for the first four weeks. After the hospital, I just felt like I was playing catch up for the rest of the summer. As a matter of fact here is the second week of September, and I have just finished posting my observations from the last two weeks of camp. That was another thing I had hoped...every Sunday morning, time alone to recollect and blog. This is still my weekly goal. I was never much of a journal writer, but if I have a focus..observations on the children I work with or watching my own youngest son, I find journaling, a.k.a. Blogging, very therapeutic, calming and clarity providing. So nice to share the digital pictures too. Kind of like a digital scrap book of sorts. I have no intention of running a camp next Summer. This was my third year and now Curtis will turn six soon. The camp was great in that it allowed me to have a summer income, pay for my training, have hands on training with the children in my camp, and provide playmates for Curt. But he is entering a different stage now. He wants boys his age or older or girls who have that boy like quality to their play. He wants playmates to build with him and climb trees really high, or play pirate ship. I think next Summer will be the summer of more organized play dates, camping trips and swim lessons. He was able to accommodate the younger ones quite a bit with Princess Kitty, trains, and hide and seek for instance, but I am feeling that he needs me more now. Isn't that odd, one would think he would need me more when he was younger. Maybe he did, but with so many things going on...moving to Mt Airy three years ago, entering training at Sophia's Hearth, I just had to ignore that and include childcare in my day aside from my work in the Nursery. So no extra childcare for twelve months...this is what I am experiencing intuitively right now. And my training is all paid up...no worries there. This last best summer camp was a wonderful learning experience for me though. I had almost a year of training under my belt, and a shopping bag full of reading material I am still working through. The magic of. Sophia's Hearth has brought me to a new place in such a short time. The training reminds me of the mediation Intensive weekends I was so fond of participating in at the Yoga Ashram in New York State many years ago. Such intense focused work, really can bring you to new levels of understanding. Of course, the more you know, the more you know you don't know. I was having a conversation with one of the former course participants a few months ago. She incidentally provided childcare for my Curtis when he was three years old, two days a week at her home. One of the first things I had to do was to Apologize to her for my extreme ignorance. I would linger too long at pick up, when she needed to have her own time. I also couldn't understand why she needed so much time to diaper her then 12 month old. The amazing thing was this woman was so gracious with my ignorance...ok she is also a trained Waldorf Grades teacher, but still. She was also gracious to accept my apology. I also look back at my first year in the Nursery. My lead teacher was very helpful in offering me reading material and discussing many things such as movement, speed and task focus. Some things, I just couldn't understand though...training has helped greatly and I look forward to my final two weeks next summer. What I have discovered is that I have my own personality my own sense of being which I enjoy transmitting authentically when I work with children. In my own program, I feel I can present myself authentically to the children and trust my own intuition without worrying what the other adults in the room are thinking. I can let situations breathe more. I find this to be one of my strengths. There were so many instances this summer of my letting the children work it out while I was on a focused task. Gosh, I even sewed three sleep sacks on my sewing machine. I am not able to let situations breathe like this in the Nursery, because there are many more than the five children, and because I need to follow the lead teacher's signals. I am following her intuition and reading her clues as to what supplemental assistance she needs if any. This is hard on my growing intuition as I find I send it mixed signals...there are two layers:intuit the lead teachers clues or sense the feedback I am experiencing directly from the children. This is something I want to be conscious of this year...how to hold on to my authentic self and do a good job as a Nursery Assistant. I guess it is timing really. I find this with my own children also. I can sense other adults near me when I am working with my own children, who are getting a little anxious..as if they would have stepped in already. But again and agin, I find, if I just trust my own gut, often the situation resolves itself naturally. It is a great affirmation for me to know that my timing and my own style, really do work in creating a happy environment for children. I am hoping that my reaffirming of my own personal yoga practice...it has gotten a bit sloppy over the past two years, will bring my consciousness back up again.I also realize that feeling the energy of the adults around me throws me off a bit. I am very sensitive to negative adult energy especially when directed at me. I tend to over think my actions or second guess, instead of being in a happy, centered naturally flowing space which is the place I need to be as I work with children. Human beings are human beings and there will always be misunderstandings, gossip, assumptions and judgement. I am glad to have regained my self-confidence with children this summer and will make every attempt through diligent yoga practice and meditation to maintain my center and stay in touch with my authentic self during the school year. I am still delving into the Steiner type meditations, but I am pretty comfortable with yoga work. Breathe, breathe, breathe.